Weaknesses...

Climbing Mount Everest is a monumental, life-threatening challenge.  Swimming the English Channel is a dangerous confrontation. Running a marathon is a grand undertaking. Even mowing 5 acres on a riding mower can put me to the test!

But the challenge that I am facing these days is recovering a skill that was once easily accomplished for me.  Back in an earlier time, before technology was instantly accessible from almost any home, intersection, mountaintop or public bathroom, listening was something I could do without having to repeat the mantra, “Remember to listen, remember to listen.” (Of course, even that increases the traffic between the ears!) 

I don’t really blame my cell phone, or computer, or my ipod, or TV, or instant wikipedia, or even the radio. These things do help me to perfect “short attention spans,” but they are not at fault. 

Really, I have no one to blame except the fertilizers and pesticides in our foods.  Just kidding.  I know it isn’t the food’s fault. 

It is the result of what I have been practicing.  The problem is that it seems to take more and more attention to think about the things that I am actually SUPPOSED to think about, and that thinking crowds out my listening skills.  Then, since I become un-used to listening, it seems awkward, therefore easily avoided. 

Alcoholics Anonymous says the first obstacle to overcoming a problem is to face the reality of the situation – admit you have a problem.  So here I am admitting the problem.  I want to listen better.  I want to listen to loved ones better.  And I mostly want to listen to the Lord better.  I do believe that the Holy Spirit is always leading, always speaking.  And I do believe that abiding in Him (John 15) is ‘living and moving and having our being in Him,’ (Acts 17:28). So combining being who we are and who He made us with the fact that He delights to reveal Himself to us and has given the Holy Spirit to do just that, He is always leading, always speaking.  But I also hunger to hear -  His words are life, His voice is life.

My hearing has become dulled by the noise pollution between my ears.  And since I know that I can do nothing by my own power, (no matter how much I want to ‘resolve’ to listen better!) I fall on the constant mercy and kindness of my Heavenly Father.

And I know He hears me! Praise You LORD!

What is the last thing you heard from the Lord?

A Little Update

Well, I guess I should come clean about my 'no sugar/dessert' activities.  I made it for a while - through a visit with friends, a visit with family, and a graduation celebration (which had specialty cake - specialty! - AND cheesecake).  A grand total of maybe 8 days.  Then I fell off the wagon into Christmas. 

So, I didn't do so well.  Actually, I did very well for a short amount of time.  Man is it hard!  But I read this little quote earlier:

Being overweight is hard, losing weight is hard, maintaining your weight is hard.  Choose your hard.

That is exactly right.  Probably it is true across subject matters - money issues, marriage issues, parenting issues, home remodeling issues!  But scripture has something to say about the hard:

...and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.          Romans 5:2a-5

So all my theories, and activities and tracking what I eat is all part of my purpose - to hope in the glory of God, and to persevere, developing proven character, and hope, and being filled with the love of God through the Holy Spirit who is given to me.  Because really, hope in Him is all I have; who He is, not what I can do. 

Again, I bet that is true across subject matters - money issues, marriage issues, parenting issues, even home remodeling issues! 

And there is rest in that - hoping in who He is, not in anything I can do! Glory!  What an unbelievable time we live in - the era of the church.

Okay, back to the original subject - living free of dessert - Sounds like a B horror movie - "The Attack of the Killer Desserts!" I shall try again - resting in Him, drawing from His strength, and persevering.
Let's Go! Proven Character!

A Little Addiction

Confession time: My name is Dee Ann, and I have an addiction.  It started long ago.  I have been addicted for as long as I can remember.  I have successfully given up my addiction for different lengths of time, but I have always fallen off the wagon.  I think the longest I have been clean is 3 months. 

I am addicted to sugary, buttery, cakey, creamy desserts.  I love them, crave them, lose control to them.  If sugar was illegal, I would be a strung-out junkie stealing TV's and GPS's so I could get my next fix. By no means am I poking fun at addictions, or making light of the horrible addictions of crack, cocaine, meth, alcohol, cigarettes or any other substance.  I am not saying that my love for sugar is as devastating, life-threatening, life-ruining or has the same result as addiction to alcohol, cigarettes, etc.  I am just saying that addiction is addiction; and kicking any addiction is very difficult.  And the more you give in to your addiction and indulge, the more it gains power over you. 

That 'gaining power over me' is my problem.  I want to be solely dedicated to Jesus.  But when I am craving sugar, or dessert, or cookies, (or dry, crumbly peanut butter fudge), I am not sold out to Him.  I am sold out to my fleshy lusts.  Ouch.  That is NOT where I want to be.

The catch with an addiction is the powerful pull it has on you.  To choose to NOT follow the addiction is like being caught in the undertow of a tsunami!  Just picture trying to swim to the surface after you have been smacked 10 feet deep in a tumbling torrent of boat-crushing water.  You might even catch a fleeting glimpse of the life preserver floating on the surface - but it is such a long way away and the water is swirling you around and out of control!  Someone may be able to say, "I want to give up sugar, or alcohol, or cigarettes," when the urge is not pressing; but when the craving has reared its ugly head, all resolve is toyingly washed out to sea.

It would indeed be hopeless if not for the grace of God;  He is my only hope! He is the anchor of my soul.  So I am going to go dessert-free.  I would rather be dessert-free than a slave to dessert!  It will be hard. 
A change of scenery tomorrow may help - new places, new faces, new distractions. After the first 5 days or so, it does get easier - the power over me gets broken.

Ready, Set, GO!

A Little Process

"A little hormonal today," - did you ever have that feeling?  Well, that is how I am feeling today, so I am going to work it out in this post!  What fun for you!  Step by ugly-glorious step!

 ~Is anything (anything as in events, situations, relationships) really wrong? No.
~Is anything drastically different from yesterday? No.
~Is anything sorta different than yesterday? No.
~So, house hasn't burned down?  No one has attacked me? Relationships are intact? Nothing is really different from yesterday when everything seemed fine? No major uprisings have occurred?

Okay, if the answer to all of this is no - in reality, not in feelings, it is safe to assume that hormones have come out to play like wild monkeys that have been kept in small cages for one month and then suddenly set free in a jungle.

Praise God - He is bigger than hormones!  So let's get on with the truth.  See, you can't just try to empty out those hormones (read 'hormones' as the feelings that hormones bring - doubt, anger, frustration, irritability, fear, confusion, hurt).  If you do try to just 'overcome' them, or ignore them, or avoid them, or wish them away, you are really attempting to empty a place that those feelings had been filling.  But that is much like the greek god Sisyphus - if you are trying to roll a rock up a hill, you are fighting the whole time - because it just wants to roll back down to its resting place.   So you can try to push the hormonal feelings up the hill, but if you don't fill that hole, guess what is going to keep rolling right back to its resting place????

Time to stop fighting, fill that hole and change that resting place! Fill it with love and truth!

~God is always good, and He always loves me.

       Thank you Father for your great, overwhelming, all-encompassing, everlasting love.  Thank you for always watching over me.  Thank you for knowing me - knowing my heart, knowing my needs, knowing my desires. knowing my hurts.  Thank you that I KNOW that You are always good.  There is no shadow of turning in You.  You never turn your back on me! You, the Almighty Creator, full of power, beauty, life and love, delight when I turn to You! Rejoice when I bring my cares to You! Receive me in my humble state!

~ God is bigger than my heart - 1 John 3:20

For if our heart condemn us , God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.

            Hallelujah!  I am not left with or stuck with what comes in my heart!!! My heart is not the truth! My feelings are not the truth!  He that is bigger, and better is greater than anything - whether in my feelings, heart, or head!!

~He has not left me as I was! - 1 Peter 1:23

Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the Word of God, which lives and abides forever!        Ohh, AMEN!

~ He has even given me a hope and consolation for these times - Hebrews 6: 18-20

That by two immutable (unchangeable) things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us: which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters into that within the veil, where our forerunner has entered, even Jesus,...

       Oh yes, that hope is an anchor of my soul!  My eyes are on things incorruptible and everlasting!

~He is ready for me - for whatever I bring to Him. He is not surprised, shocked, or unprepared. Hebrews 4:16

Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Praise you Lord - the anchor of my soul, making a way for me to come to You, glad when I do, ready to show mercy and give grace.

NOW, these things can fill that hole to keep the rock of hormonal feelings from rolling back over me and crushing me like a writhing pathetic bug!  Different days, different situations, different hormones and different prayers, different scriptures, may show up; but this little process turns my heart from my poor pathetic state and helps me set my eyes on WHO really matters.

God is always good, and He always loves you!