Confession time: My name is Dee Ann, and I have an addiction. It started long ago. I have been addicted for as long as I can remember. I have successfully given up my addiction for different lengths of time, but I have always fallen off the wagon. I think the longest I have been clean is 3 months.
I am addicted to sugary, buttery, cakey, creamy desserts. I love them, crave them, lose control to them. If sugar was illegal, I would be a strung-out junkie stealing TV's and GPS's so I could get my next fix. By no means am I poking fun at addictions, or making light of the horrible addictions of crack, cocaine, meth, alcohol, cigarettes or any other substance. I am not saying that my love for sugar is as devastating, life-threatening, life-ruining or has the same result as addiction to alcohol, cigarettes, etc. I am just saying that addiction is addiction; and kicking any addiction is very difficult. And the more you give in to your addiction and indulge, the more it gains power over you.
That 'gaining power over me' is my problem. I want to be solely dedicated to Jesus. But when I am craving sugar, or dessert, or cookies, (or dry, crumbly peanut butter fudge), I am not sold out to Him. I am sold out to my fleshy lusts. Ouch. That is NOT where I want to be.
The catch with an addiction is the powerful pull it has on you. To choose to NOT follow the addiction is like being caught in the undertow of a tsunami! Just picture trying to swim to the surface after you have been smacked 10 feet deep in a tumbling torrent of boat-crushing water. You might even catch a fleeting glimpse of the life preserver floating on the surface - but it is such a long way away and the water is swirling you around and out of control! Someone may be able to say, "I want to give up sugar, or alcohol, or cigarettes," when the urge is not pressing; but when the craving has reared its ugly head, all resolve is toyingly washed out to sea.
It would indeed be hopeless if not for the grace of God; He is my only hope! He is the anchor of my soul. So I am going to go dessert-free. I would rather be dessert-free than a slave to dessert! It will be hard.
A change of scenery tomorrow may help - new places, new faces, new distractions. After the first 5 days or so, it does get easier - the power over me gets broken.
Ready, Set, GO!